she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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