i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
