brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
