My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
