Nicole vs. Life
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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