we have officially lost it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
