The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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