I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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