i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
