I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
