just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
