walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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