Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
