ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
