Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
