DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
