Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
