i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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