mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Enjoy the penises
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
