She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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