I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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