Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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