Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
