i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize