his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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