We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
