One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
did i walk over a car last night?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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