didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
