One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
