I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
