So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
