she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
