Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You took a bar mat shot.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
