my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
