i permit you to call me
...so i touched it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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