I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
