Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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