guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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