Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I came so hard my ears popped.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
