I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
