we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
