This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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