I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
