I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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