You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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