Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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