i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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