you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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