I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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