I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
