I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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