he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
