Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
