Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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