people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
