Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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