I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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