So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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