Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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