Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
