do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
