in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
