Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.