i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Enjoy the penises
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
DRUNK COOKIES
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