Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.