...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
