The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize