one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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