I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
